Ahh memories..

I took a nap. With my boss. On a park bench. At 6am. That is all..

-Momo

One night, two years into our relationship, my boyfriend and I began reminiscing on party’s we had attended before we started dating.

After a few stories we realised we had attended the same valentines day party gathering one year. I began talking about my costume and then went on to describe my best friends. After telling him she was dressed as a flight attendant he turned white.

When I asked what was wrong he said, “did she tell you about the guy dressed as Jonny Knoxville?”

“Yeah, she had sex with him in a bush!”

“I was Jonny Knoxville…”

Written by Momo.

When I was a little younger than I am now my Uncle got engaged and
decided to marry his German wife in Germany. We packed our bags and
off we flew.

I had a boyfriend at the time and spent the whole holiday
looking but not touching. On the last day of my trip I found an
internet Cafe and jumped on facebook. Awaiting me was a facebook msg
from a friend informing me that my boyfriend of two years had begun
another relationship in my absence.

I was shattered. I boarded the plane home in tears. I was even more shattered to find out I was placed at the back of the plane, away from my family. I attempted to at least bag the window seat but was asked to move by a 300 kilo woman, insisting it was her seat. I cried some more.With one seat beside me, I entertained myself squishing the faces of fat women and pimply children that approached me hoping they weren’t my destined companion for the 22 hour flight ahead of me.

Out of no-where a beautifully tanned man walked down the isle. I recited ‘please sit next to me, please sit next to me..’ but he sat in front. Resigned to my shit seat, I tried to sleep but was woken by the same beautiful man informing me that I was in his seat. I moved over and he plonked himself between me and the now snoring fat woman.

Once the flight took off I realised that once again, my life was shit. My tv was broken. The answer from the flight attendant was ‘you may just have to share the gentleman’s beside you’. He agreed that he was fine with that and I began to watch his movie, peering over his shoulder to get a view of his tiny screen.

Next thing I remember waking up leaning on his shoulder…with slobber on my face and possibly on his shirt. I have chosen to forget. I was horrified. To break the silence I ordered vodka, and more vodka. Then he ordered vodka, and more vodka and then we were in Singapore; half way home.

After returning to the plane I was delighted to see that the human babushka doll that used to sit next to us had not returned. After politely letting me lean on his shoulder, and then share his blanket, we gave me a little peck on my forehead. 10 vodkas down and sleep deprived I thought I had imagined it but as his hand slid up my leg, well I realised it was on.

I won’t give too many details about the actual act. But I will say, if it is dark, there is absolutely no reason to do it in the toilets.

Written by Momo.

A friend recently ‘fell in love’ with a sailor, who owned a penthouse in Potts Point.
So one night, while he was at sea, we took a trip to the Cross with plans to pass out in his bed..Together!
Sadly, the night began with a lot a drugs, then ended with my friend having sex with another guy in her boyfriends bed, while wearing his spare sailors hat!
The apartment was open plan. Let’s just say I didn’t get much sleep.

-Written by Momo.

So you know you fucked up at Friday night work drinks, when Monday morning comes round and your boss walks into the elevator and says..

“Don’t! It’s too soon in my mind to talk about it.. My mum once told me, ‘If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all!’”

So from what I remember, the events went like this..

Let’s start with Saturday, from what I remember.

It began at El Loco with my two friends (let’s just call them Ben and Kate).Tacos and beer then turned into wine at the Beresford, which then it switched to vodka at Shady Pines.

We took a seat around the bar, which meant constant service (mind you, it was only 6.30pm at this time). Drink after drink after drink, things got a bit messy. Ben bailed home and Kate and I continued on. 

We then made some odd friends. One was a Middle Eastern guy, who told me when he was 17 he lost his virginity to Bin Laden’s niece. He swore it was true and I am pretty certain he added “she was hot!” in there.

Anyway, Kate proceeded to flirt with a bar tender while I had some guy cry actual tears to me about his ex-girlfriend- WOW! 

I watched Kate fall backwards off her barstool and solidly hit the ground. Middle Eastern man helped her up and even though a bartender saw it, we STILL got service?!

I then wrote Kate’s number on a napkin in liquid eyeliner with a drawing of a phone. She gave it to her bartender who openly showed everyone. While she cringed, I stood there like a proud parent.

Now I don’t remember getting home, but I do I have one flash back.. Me and Kate spooning in the bottom of our shower, naked, and me wearing a shower cap.

The most un-sexual thing I have ever done and if someone walked in, I am pretty sure they would’ve been scarred for life!

-R. White.

On a drunken night out, my friend and I started chatting to a couple of ‘older guys’.

Drinks were bought, conversations were exchanged and then the inevitable happened…

“Sure i’ll go back to your hotel room” I said.

The next morning I awoke with the man pulling on his trousers. He said the room was paid for so I could stay, he left.

I fell back asleep and awoke a couple of hours later. Getting dressed I reached for my phone next to the bed, underneath it was a stack of $20 notes.

“DEAR GOD!” I thought.

“I am getting a taxi home today not the bus!”

- This story was passed on by C.F.